(We’ve Having a) Barbecue

We’re having a barbecue
come on, let’s have some fun
we’re having a barbecue
hot dogs for everyone
we’re having a barbecue
invite Aunt Fannie and Grandpa Paul
we’re having a barbecue
oh that’s right, he died last fall

I make a mean steak sub
but a burger’s my specialty still
so everybody gather ’round
hey how’d this ‘Nerf’ ball get in the grill?
Here’s my second cousin Timothy
now the ‘Q’s’ getting started
yes I know he’s wearing a helmet
but he’s only a tad retarded

We’re having a barbecue
everybody find a seat
we’re having a barbecue
it’s a carnival of meat

But look! Egg salad
it arrived with Uncle Jim
and there’s his special friend Steven
we’re not allowed to talk about them
My cousin Frankie brought a keg
he’s a party guy, proud and bold
he’s got no wife, no job, no car
and he’s 47 years old

There’s cousin Clarita
putting on a show again
she’s doing a sexy dance now
been drinking since a quarter to ten
And hey there’s Uncle Willie
even when he’s here, he’s gone
I think he’s still a little shaken up
from being held by the Viet Cong

We’re having a barbecue
put another sausage on the bun
we’re having a barbecue
with booze, hell, anything’s fun

My Godson Jesse
please don’t piss in the pool
I am not joking
I said don’t piss in the pool
Hey you with the veggie burger
get that thing off my ‘cue
we don’t eat that faggot crap here
and you can get the hell out if you do

I really like the red meat
although I’m getting too fat
and I haven’t any health care
my colon won’t appreciate that
I can’t afford my rent check
and I’ve got an illegitimate son
but screw all that, it’s a barbecue
so shut yer trap and have fun

We’re having a barbecue
easy as falling off a log
we’re having a barbecue
not too much rat anus in the hot dogs
We’re having a barbecue
just like our university days
we’re having a barbecue
watching time just trickle away
We’re having a barbecue
grill that meat, pump that keg 
we’re having a barbecue
why not, we’ll all soon be dead 

We’re having a Bar-be-cue!