Turtlenecks Yummy Breakfast Related Cereal …………………….$3.90ea
47 free marbles in each box! Yum!
Turtleneckmobile………………………………………………….$42,000
Drive in style, just like the Turtlenecks! This fully functional van resembles a turtle in certain ways, and studies show that owning a motorcar will add pep to your lives!
The Dickeys – Greatest Hits………………………………………$15.99
All the best from the world’s greatest Turtleneck cover band!
The Turtlenecks Nudie Photos………………………………………$29.99
Hey girls, check out these sexy pictures of the Turtlenecks going to the
Bathroom! Yowza!
Yesterday’s End – The Unauthorized Turtlenecks Biography………$19.99
By Jack McGrew – This bastard wrote a really mean book about us. Then we cut
a deal to sell it for him! Check it out!
Night Shades & Jasmine Tides……………………………………..$16.99
Though hardly a commercial success, this solo album from Noah B. showcases
his unique “talent”. (note: we told him not to do it)
Phat Matty C. – Slappin’ m’ Bitch Up (Side the Head)………………$14.99
You thought Noah’s album was bad, check out Matt trying to act “street!”
Features appearance by guest rapper Elemeno P. (We have lots of these.)
Wow! Turtlenecks Bootleg!!…………………………………………$16.95
Rare bootleg of the Turtlenecks guest starring on TV’s “Scooby Doo”, with
special guest Abraham Lincoln! It’s “dy-no-mite!”
Turtlenecks Blooper Reel……………………………………………$18.98
What can we say? Matt was drunk, Noah was on painkillers, neither of them
knew they were being recorded! Includes a song about E.T.! (the alien)
Turtlenecks Haunted House Colorforms ……………………………$7.95
Yikes! The boys are trapped in a spooky haunted mansion!! Use “Colorforms”
magic to save their skins! (no actual magic provided)
To order, call 1-900-URTLENE – Ask for operator 34