Superstars Noah Belson, Matt Cappiello and some other guy.
To the dismay of Turtleneck fans everywhere, it has been confirmed that The Turtlenecks aka Matt Cappiello and Noah Belson will not reprise their iconic roles of Troubadour and Guitar Man (respectively) in 2015’s remake of Cabin Fever.
Students of classic cinema will recall that The Turtlenecks shot to stardom after appearing in 2002’s screamfest Cabin Fever, helmed by future Bear Jew Eli Roth. Tneck Noah was refreshingly candid over the band’s disappointment in being left out of the 2015 version: “I mean, it’s the exact same script and same characters. It just seems strange that they wouldn’t use the same Troubadour and Guitar Man, respectively.”
Filmmaker Roth and official Cabin Fever sources are mum on the matter. However, an unnamed industry insider, who spoke to us only after we swore to protect his anonymity, shared that it would make no sense whatsoever for The Turtlenecks to reprise their roles as they were kind of too old to play them in 2002 and now it’s 2015 and that would be ridiculous and why are you even asking me about this?
Fans remain stumped regarding the band’s exclusion.